


{.innocence is drowned.}

by stardustgirl



Series: Rebels Oneshots [42]
Category: Star Wars: Rebels, Star Wars: Rise of Empire Era - All Media Types
Genre: (in that order) - Freeform, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Child Soldiers, Childhood, Childhood Memories, Childhood Trauma, Depa Billaba Lives, Dysfunctional Family, Father Figures, Father-Daughter Relationship, Father-Son Relationship, Force Shenanigans, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Kanan Jarrus Needs a Hug, Kanan Jarrus-centric, Light Angst, Mace Windu Lives, Medium Angst, Mother-Son Relationship, On the Run, Prequel, Prologue, Running Away, That's Not How The Force Works
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-03
Updated: 2019-03-04
Packaged: 2019-11-09 01:49:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17992547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stardustgirl/pseuds/stardustgirl
Summary: A young Caleb, on the run from the Empire alongside his guardians Depa and Mace, begins to learn what it means when it's said that nothing is your own.





	1. name.

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [redamancy](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17466968) by [stardustgirl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/stardustgirl/pseuds/stardustgirl). 



> The title is from "The Second Coming" by W.B. Yeats. The plot itself comes from chapter 15 of my Kanera oneshot collection (linked in the "Inspired by") redamancy.
> 
> |~~~|
> 
> Caleb Dume knows three things in particular: he has been on the run as long as he can remember, he should not tell people about the fact that he can move rocks by thinking about it, and he is not to call himself Caleb Dume.

Caleb Dume knows three things in particular: he has been on the run as long as he can remember, he should not tell people about the fact that he can move rocks by thinking about it, and he is not to call himself Caleb Dume.

He is Kanan Jarrus, now, but once, when he was younger and his mother and grandfather had still bothered to hide their late-night conversations from him, he was Caleb Dume.  So he still calls himself that, whispering it in a barely audible voice under his blanket at night only once he’s sure that his guardians are both asleep, because he needs to remind himself that the Empire can’t take everything from him.  It can’t take his name, or his mother, or his grandfather, and _kriff the Empire_ (he’s not supposed to know that first word, but his grandfather used it once when they were in a market and he saw a stormtrooper, and minutes later they were back on their ship and leaving the planet so naturally it stuck) if it thinks that it can take those three things from him.

He smiles to himself when he _does_ whisper the forbidden name—it’s nice, having something all his own that the Empire cannot touch.  His mother and grandfather still call him Kanan in public, and they’re even doing so more and more on their ship, but he knows the truth and he knows that they know it, too (he doesn’t think his mother is aware that he was awake that time she carded a hand through his hair late in the ship’s sleep-cycle while in hyperspace, sighing and murmuring his real name and what sounded like a prayer before leaving).

Now, however, they rarely stay on a planet for longer than a day.  His mother and grandfather argue about it (they don’t bother hiding it anymore); his grandfather thinks they should split up while his mother thinks they need to stay together as long as they’re able.  Personally, he sides with his mother; he can’t imagine being without either of them for longer than a few hours.

He’s about nine when they go to Lothal for the first time, and the year is 3263 on the Lothal Calendar.  The Empire has reigned for about five years now, and every day he sees his guardians’ righteous fury grow.

Lothal is also the first time he connects with another creature—as in, _really_ connects, not just _thinks_ that he _might be_ connecting.  His mother allows him off the ship to play in the grass for a short period of time under careful supervision, and he immediately starts looking for the creatures he’d sensed.  He finds them, a group of scraggly Loth-cats with legs that look too thin to support them. He giggles, chases them through the grass, and of course he doesn’t bother to look where he’s going, because the great rocks are nowhere near.

He hits something soft and solid with a surprised cry, falling hard on his rear.  He scratches his head and looks up, gasping as he sees a great white canine staring down at him.  It lowers its huge head, huffing lightly into his face. And suddenly he can _feel_ it, deep in his bones, as much a part of him as his own name.  “ _Dume,_ ” it whispers before turning, tail flicking as it disappears back into the grass.

His mother crashes into the area then, lightsaber already out and humming as she searches for the creature.

“No, it- it just wanted to say hi!  It even knew my name!” he exclaims defensively, jumping up and down with a lopsided grin.  She studies him for a long moment, then gazes over the long grass before finally sheathing her lightsaber and re-attaching it to her belt.

“Say nothing of this to your grandfather, Kanan.  Now come on, back to the ship. We’ll be leaving soon.”  She takes his hand, and he casts a glance back, knowing he won’t come back for a long while, if at all.  He thinks he catches a glimpse of the wolf on one of the large rocks, but he blinks and it’s gone.

For just a moment, he had been Caleb outside the ship as well, for the first time in years.  But that moment passes, just as the wolf did, and in time, he forgets it.


	2. sent.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She mouths something, and he thinks he might be screaming and sobbing and is that him pounding on the door, because he can’t hear her, but he thinks he knows what she's trying to say regardless.

He’s not sure how old he is when it happens, but when their ship is suddenly yanked out of hyperspace, he  _ knows _ that  _ that, _ at the very least, isn’t supposed to happen.

His mother is walking out of the cockpit and she stumbles at the sudden jolt, hand flying up to brace herself against the wall.  Immediately she turns, heading back to the cockpit with a worried expression on her face. Caleb trails behind, uncertain as he watches her stop at the viewport and gasp.

“Caleb, get Mace,” she whispers, and as he turns to get his grandfather, he realizes just how shocked she must be if she’s calling him by his real name.

Mace is already halfway to the cockpit when he reaches him, dismissing him with a tense “I know.”  Caleb knows he’s just nervous and so he follows, swallowing thickly as they reach the cockpit together.

Mace stops, brows drawing together and jaw setting.

“Interdictors,” he murmurs to Depa as he makes his way up to her.  She gives the smallest of nods, and even from still slightly behind them, Caleb can tell she’s nervous.

“Caleb,” she calls suddenly, turning.  He dislikes the expression in her eyes; it simply makes him feel her anxiety, too.

“Why- why haven’t we gone back into hyperspace?  What about those Star Destroyers?” The menacing daggers remain stationary in the darkness ahead, but he still feels a strong surge of fear as he studies them.

“We can’t.  Get your go bag, and mine.  Take them to the shuttle. Mace and I will be there in a moment.”  With the shuttle, maybe they can get away undetected.

Depa ignores his inquiry as he goes to rush off, hearing Mace’s words before he leaves.

“I’ll hold them off long enough.”

He gets the go bags, drags them over to the shuttle (he’s still not strong enough to lift two at once, much as it irks him), and waits for Depa.  He wants to go look at the Destroyers again, make sure they aren’t advancing, but he knows with a certainty that his mother and grandfather will be able to keep them safe.

Which is why he’s confused when the pair is arguing as they enter the corridor leading to the shuttle.

“Depa, you need to take Caleb and  _ go. _  I can—”

“No.  I’m not leaving you.”

“At least do it for  _ his _ sake, if not for your own!  Think about this, Depa: do you really want his death on your hands?  He  _ needs _ you.”

“I want it as much as I want yours,” she hisses back, and he can tell there’s a strain of fear underlying the tension of the situation.  He clears his throat to remind them of his presence. Depa glances back, and all tension immediately eases from her expression. “Come here,” she whispers as she kneels, and without knowing why he goes, hugging her tightly.  She releases him, holds him at arm’s length and studies him with a slight smile before glancing up at Mace.

The older man, surprisingly, opens his own arm in an invitation.  He’s never been one for displays of affection, though Caleb has never doubted once that he cares about him and Depa both.

He leans down to Caleb’s ear, whispers, “Go with her.  Keep her safe. She is as much a daughter to me as you have become—”  He breaks off, and Caleb realizes with a start that there’s an overwhelming  _ sadness _ coming from Mace.

_ Why?  He’s coming, just later, right? _

He squeezes the boy’s shoulder once and rises, stepping back.  “You should go. Now, before the tractor beam pulls us too far in.”

Depa nods, a firm set to her gaze.  “Of course.” She takes Caleb’s hand and helps him put their go bags in the shuttle.  And then she kneels again.

“I’m so, so proud of you, you know that?” she murmurs.  He nods; she’s always made sure he knows. A faint beeping, maybe from the cockpit, starts suddenly and she turns to glance over her shoulder.  Mace says another word he’s not supposed to know—a string of them, in fact—before running off. She returns her gaze to Caleb. “Now. Caleb.  _ Run. _ ”

Before he can ask what that means, she’s standing, a gaze he doesn’t understand that’s somehow  _ pleading _ with him to understand on her face, and she’s out of the shuttle, the door shutting behind her.

“ _ Remote autopilot systems engaged.  Charting route to nearest planet of sufficient size and population, stand by for further instruction.  Please engage safety restraints. _ ”  The automated tone is familiar and yet not, coming from the back of the shuttle.  He spares it only half a glance before turning, watching Depa through the transparisteel before the second door can shut.  She mouths something, and he thinks he might be screaming and sobbing and is that  _ him _ pounding on the door, because he can’t hear her, but he thinks he knows what she's trying to say regardless.

And then she’s turning away, turning as the second door closes, as the shuttle separates from their ship, and flies far, far away from his mother and grandfather, leaving them to the mercy of the Empire as he screams and sobs so loudly that everything is silent.

Through the haze, right before he’s about to either pass out or throw up from crying so hard, he makes out part of the automated tone’s next words again.

“ _...destination: Ryloth. _ ”

* * *

When he wakes up, it’s to a bright sky and a green Twi’lek girl around his age.  He groans and tries to sit up, but she nudges him back down with her foot and points what he thinks is a blaster— _ Force _ his head is hurting so  _ much _ that he can’t even see straight—at his head.  He stills.

“Where- where am I?”

“I am asking the questions,” she reprimands sharply with a thick Twi’leki accent.  “You fell from the sky a few hours ago. So what are you doing in front of my house, Imperial  _ scum? _ ”


	3. away.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He and Hera spend time together often, though as he becomes more and more ingrained in their clan, he is also pulled more and more into the fight.

Hera’s father welcomes him into their household, albeit hesitantly, though he slowly warms up to Caleb over time.  He tells them to call him Kanan, and that his family was killed. He knows Cham doesn’t believe him, but he manages to convince them that he’s not with the enemy.

He grows up alongside Hera.  They spend time together often, though as he becomes more and more ingrained in their clan, he is also pulled more and more into the fight.

It’s odd, he thinks.  Cham almost seems to want to keep Hera separate from it, to an extent, yet he also pushes her to fight harder, hide longer, run faster.  Not as much as he pushes Caleb—he’s still borderline a guest, one with a suspicious past no less, and he has no relation to them by blood, so he needs to carry his own weight in this war, too—but still, he sees them argue more and more about the paradoxical nature of it over the years.

He thinks he’s seventeen and she’s about fifteen when she tells him she’s leaving.

Caleb’s putting grenades in a bag to prepare for the next raid on the nearby Imperial camp when he stops, glances back at her.  “What?”

“I’m leaving,” she repeats.  “Tonight.”

“Oh” is all he can say for a long moment.

“You could...come with me, if you wanted.”

She’s twisting her arm behind her back, holding it at the elbow in that way she does when she’s nervous.  He gulps, swallows hard.

“I...I’ll need to think about it.”

“Just...please don’t tell  _ Kora. _ ”

She leaves.

* * *

That night, he meets her at the hangar, mouth dry as he glances back up at the main house.

“Are you sure?”

She nods, swallowing.  “Of course.” She hesitates, following his gaze before returning her eyes to him.  “I- I have to. I can’t stay here any longer. Not when I’m expected to ignore the rest of the galaxy just for Ryloth’s sake.”

He hasn’t heard her true concerns voiced so openly before, but he knows his answer already.

“Then I’ll come.”

They start loading up one of the smaller ships, taking turns smuggling in supplies while one keeps watch.  He’s setting one of the last crates, a smaller one with a couple of medkits that Hera didn’t think her father would miss, in the cockpit when he hears the faint scuffle and cry.  He drops it, drawing his blaster and bolting to the loading ramp, and stops cold at the top of it.

Hera’s eyes are wide as she struggles against the grip of her father.  He has a hand over her mouth and is glaring at Caleb.

“Let her go,” he calls.

“Drop the blaster and walk out of  _ my _ ship,” Cham hisses in response.

Hera manages to get her face away from his restraining grip long enough to shout, “Go!  Kanan,  _ go! _ ”

Cham manages to cover her mouth again, even as she twists in his grip.  “Now, boy,” he calls. “Before I decide to shoot you for trying to steal both my ship  _ and _ my daughter.”

He swallows, lowers the blaster slightly.  He sees something break in Hera’s eyes, and it’s then he makes his decision.

He turns, and runs back into the ship.

He hears Cham yell something that’s cut off by a shouted Twi’leki curse, but the man’s already out of sight by the time Caleb registers it.  He shoves various levers on the console forward, reaching up to tick a few switches before leaning to the side to slam the button that will close the loading ramp.

He hears distant shouts, but all he can think about is leaving— _ you can’t help Hera leave if you’re shot dead before you get the chance— _ and surviving another day.

He manages to get off the ground and up for a few seconds before he hears the  _ ping _ of blaster charges echoing off of the hull of the ship.  He flicks the switch for the shields and pulls the steering yoke up sharply, back slamming against the seat before he realizes he needs the restraining belt before he has to corkscrew.  Depa would be upset otherwise.

Thinking of her makes a pang suddenly materialize in his heart and he swallows, closing his eyes for half a second to stabilize himself before reopening them and fumbling for the safety restraint.  Finding it, he clicks it in, just before mostly leveling the ship out brutally and gunning the engines again.

He reaches the edge of the atmosphere and sighs, running a hand through his hair as he scans for any ships in orbit.  Of course there’s multiple Destroyers. Of  _ course. _

He’ll just have to be careful.

A voice in the back of his head tells him that Depa and Mace might be onboard one of them, but he rationalizes it with the fact that it’s been years.  They’re either dead or imprisoned on the farthest planet from the Core possible.

But that’s good.  He’s planning on going to the Outer Rim anyway; he spent a good portion of his childhood there and he’s more familiar with how people work out there than he’s ever been with Ryloth, despite being here for six or seven years now.

There’s a curious warble from behind him and he turns, jolting in surprise when he sees Hera’s astromech.  The orange droid tilts its dome up at him and puts its manipulators on its sides quizzically, warbling again.  Caleb shakes his head.

“She’s- she  _ was _ coming, Chopper.  I promise.” It beeps, still confused.  He sighs, unsure of how to explain without the droid electrocuting him.

“So she powered you down before she started loading up, huh?” he asks in an attempt to change the subject.  The droid beeps in confirmation before rolling up to the console, dome swiveling to look back at him.

“What?  You want to do the calculations?”

Chopper makes a snarky remark about not trusting Caleb to not send them straight into an asteroid.  He snorts, turning back to the console. “Be my guest, then. Pick a spot in the Outer Rim. We’ll lay low for a while, and then come back for Hera.  That all right with you?”

The droid tilts his dome up and down repeatedly in what looks like an imitation of a nod and Caleb turns back to the console, exhaling slowly and keeping the ship steady in the upper atmosphere until Chopper can get the calculations, just low enough that the imperials above would have to be actively searching for him if they were to have any hope of finding him.  Chopper chirps, and Caleb plugs the coordinates in.

He takes them out of the atmosphere and into orbit, prepping for hyperspace all the while as he nervously scans the stars for an interdictor.  He can’t see any.

As soon as they’re far enough away from the planet, he goes to throw the lever for hyperspace.

And then the comm systems beeps, signaling an incoming transmission.  He exhales, answering it. It’ll look more odd if he doesn’t.

“ _ Unidentified freighter, identify yourself and return to ground.  There is a  _ siege _ going on here, in case you weren’t aware. _ ”

The cold, condescending Core accent freezes him in his tracks.  He can’t move, the icy eyes of the commander on him as he and Cham’s other fighters are shoved onto their knees at the front of the patrol’s camp, the man taking his chin and titling it up, a kind of cruel curiosity in those same blue eyes as he says, “A human, fighting for Ryloth?  Now there’s something you don’t see every day. But you don’t matter any more than they do; sell him with the rest;” the last part an order directed at someone he can’t see as the officer takes out a blaster set on stun and—

The ship jolts into hyperspace and his head slams back against the seat.  Breathing heavily, he turns to see Chopper backing away from the console, having just thrown the lever that Caleb still has a death grip on.  He inhales and exhales shakily, swallowing again as he releases the lever.

“Thanks Chop,” he mutters.  The droid snarks back, but he doesn’t respond, instead focusing on keeping his breathing even.  Finally he glances at the destination input, then at Chopper.

“Lothal, huh?”  The droid trills proudly before posing a question, to which Caleb nods.  “It’s been a while, but yeah.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kora = A word was used by the Twi’lek race to indicate an individual who is the male head of a family. The planet of Ryloth is led by a Head Clan consisting of 5 Koras, one from each of the 5 predominate clans (http://twileklore.nimanet.org/?page_id=34).
> 
> Anddd that's where we'll leave off for now! Normally I'd space it out between chapters better but I meant to post "name" a day earlier than it ended up being posted, and I needed the rest of this posted before tomorrow, so now you get two oneshots instead of one.


End file.
